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  • Eli Stuart (they/them)

Repairs Needed

[Cover Image Description: There is a medium sized, gray brick house with a red-orange roof tucked in a forest, surrounded by trees. End of Image Description]

When they told me there were problems with the supports in the walls my house,

They told me they could fix it and though sometimes the walls felt a little crooked

I able to see it as okay

it was okay

But what they don't tell you is sometimes when the wall supports are broken

it's because of a crack in the foundation

And cracks in your foundation aren't as easy to fix

A crack in the foundation ruins everything in the house

I am expected to just add a fresh coat of paint on the house

as if that will hide from others and me the creaks every time I walk

as if that will make me ignore the fact that at any second,

The floors can break and it will fall apart

And I will fall apart

The inspector says

"There's a problem with your foundation,

It's why there's a problem with the floors and walls and ceilings and piping

We don’t know what’s wrong exactly

We cannot help you

But if you wait a few years, you might be able to have a professional"

As if a few years from now, this house will still be standing

As if there will not be permanent damage

As if a few years from now, when a professional comes they can "erase it"

As if there were no cracks all those years, as if the cracks didn't get worse

They do not realize the fear of living inside this house every day

They do not realize how bad it is when things are falling apart

They tell me to wait a few years, that it isn't that long

And I try my best to repair it,

But I am no professional

And I only have some tools

An amateur toolbox is not a replacement for an actual repairman

But that's what they ask me to do

But I do not know how much longer I can try the hold up this house

At this point in time, I'm just trying to hold it up enough

To not fall completely apart

I just don't want to feel so afraid of my house

I just want to be able to live here and know I can survive

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